Whether I’m around my Mom group friends or in the “Mom blogger space” online, lately I’ve felt a little out of sorts. Most of my mom friends have babies or toddlers, while mine are 10 and 5 and fairly independent. Recently someone said to me, “I’ll be coming to you for advice when mine is that age” and I can assure you, that comment unsettled me as I have no idea what I’m doing either, But I do have something to I’d like to share with Mothers of babies and little ones.
This past Fall my youngest started Kindergarten. And very suddenly I felt empty nested. I realized I wasn’t needed as much as before and at some point, I won’t be needed much at all. I became very aware that we are only needed for this for a short time in their life and that’s it. These little humans are off to a world of possibilities and you, who once were their all, are now just a supporter and there when needed. I know for some of you this may seem dramatic. After all they come home after school and parenting is just as hand on as ever and are still really young. I’m not completely empty nested yet, But it made me realize how short this time is we have.
Learn to be okay with continually discovering yourself.
For 2019, I didn’t set any New Year’s resolutions. Although I did try to be more focused on figuring out who I was. For years I felt like I suffered from some kind of identity crisis. Many things are factors for that (I’ll leave that for therapy) but the short of it is: I let fear control my life. Many of the things I wanted with my life I stopped myself from doing, because of fear. The result of this, was feeling like I had no identity. I didn’t allow myself to live. Staying comfortably complacent was my life. In 2019 that began to change.
As my therapist and I reflected on the past year, I had this moment of awareness where it hit me, “Wow… I really did all that?!”. I felt really proud of myself.
I am writing this post as a way to “pay Ode to myself” for the challenges and the changes I embraced in 2019. For the first time in my life I’m discovering who I want to be and what I want with my life. It may have taken a while but I begin to peel back the layers of fear and see some of the things I wanted for myself. This past year was one of most life changing years of my life. Some of these changes many of you already know about but somethings I haven’t talked about publicly. As I pay ode to myself, I am happy to share my journey through 2019 with you.